The following
dialogue should be spoken like John Cleese aka Reg from the Monty Python classic
The Life of Brian
Reg: ‘What
has Clare ever done for Ireland?’
Crowd:
(Silence)
Crowd member 1: ‘The Cliffs of Moher.’
Reg: ‘What?’
Crowd member 1: ‘The Cliffs of Moher.’
Reg: ‘Oh
yeah, yeah, they did give us that, that’s true.’
Crowd member 2: ‘And the Burren.’
Reg’s colleague: ‘Oh yeah, the Burren, Reg, remember what the countryside used to be like.’
Reg: ‘Ok,
right, alright, I grant you the Burren and the Cliffs of Moher but aside from those
two things, what has Clare ever done for Ireland?’
Crowd member 3: ‘The Aillwee and Doolin Caves.’
Reg: ‘Obviously
the caves, I mean the caves go without saying, don’t they? But apart from the Cliffs
of Moher, the Burren and the caves …’
Crowd member 4: ‘Poulnabrone Dolmen.’
Crowd member 5: ‘Bunratty Castle.’
Crowd member 6: ‘The beaches of Lahinch.’
Reg: ‘Yeah,
alright, fair enough.’
Crowd member 7: ‘And the likes of Brian Boru, Michael Cusack, Edna O’Brien and Keith Wood.’
Reg’s other colleague: ‘Yeah, Reg, they’re people we’d really have missed if Clare had left.’
Crowd member 8: ‘Shannon Airport.’
Crowd member 9: ‘Ardnacrusha Dam.’
Crowd member 10: ‘The festivals of Lisdoonvarna, Miltown Malbay and Ennis.’
Reg’s colleague: ‘It is great craic in the summer.’
Reg’s other colleague: ‘They certainly know how to have fun.’
Reg: ‘Alright,
but apart from the Cliffs of Moher, the Burren, the caves, the dolmen, the castle,
the beaches, the noteworthy people, the dam, the airports and the festivals, what
has Clare ever done for us?!’
Crowd:
(Silence)
Crowd member 11: ‘A Clareman invented the submarine?’
Reg:
‘Oh submarine! Shut up!!!’
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